She was telling me about a conversation she had with her man and he was asking where her friends are...
Now, just a bit of background... We were thick as thieves the three of us... The girls that fought for each other and with each other without shaking the relationship... I was the hard headed and stubborn one, she was the opinionated and confrontational one and my other friend, she... Bless her soul... She was the glue that kept everything together... Sweetest friend ever! We went nowhere without each other, partners in crime, cried together and for one another... I remember how my confrontational friend and i cried all day in the sweetheart's bed once because of some stupid boys that were just running game on us...Hahaha! How we have been through our adult life together and shaping the strength we have today as women... Wow!
Today as we were speaking, we realised, now that we are all in relationships, why is it that we are ok with seeing our friendship seep through the cracks of life? Have we lost ourselves so much in the relationships we are in, that even our partners question it?
How many times do we as women lose ourselves and revolve our lives around our partners and their activities and social lives that we lose sight of who OUR people are... I have had a friend break my heart telling me that hanging out with me is not a priority because I won't marry her... And I guess you can't blame me for backing off! But the problem is, when shit hits the fan, this very person you neglect is the very person you will run to...
How is it that men are able to keep their lives balanced and us women, we just don't balance things out? Is it desperation of being in a relationship? Fear of letting him live his own life? Are we in need of being needed? What is it?
I have been this woman before and quite honestly, it is unattractive... I'm glad I was this woman early in my life and realised that it was because of my own insecurities about myself... It's really hard to find friends that are loyal and love you genuinely... For you to go and throw it away because of a man.... Uuummmmm... Not worth it really... I mean, he'll still be there after a day of chilling with your girls... Welllll, so we hope! If he isn't, then he was going to leave anyway....
Ask yourself... why does my partner not lose himself and leave his friends for me? Is there a bit of introspection we need to do maybe? Eeeerrrr, I would say!
Who are you without him??...... Because when things are not ok-ish or when your man is not in town, suddenly you want to avail yourself to your so called friends??? This is also a two way relationship... What you give is what you get....
Time for some introspection.... Just a thought, use it... Don't.....
This is very true! In the book "Why Men Love Bitche" (which I think every woman needs to read it) she does explain the phenom of women who drop everything for a man! Who is the boss of you she asked?? A man has never cancelled his barber because you called, but women do.
ReplyDeleteSo become the boss of you!!!
A man needs to fit in to your schedule and life the way it is now. If he found you doing girls night every Thursday then keep it that way and not tell your girls, "ah, sorry ladies I got a man now" and give it a miss all in the name of playing girlfriend. Yes now and then you pass but to give up your friends for a man is a no no.
ReplyDeleteI think as girlfriends we are influenced by married women and the advice they are given when they get married, that you cant be friends with single or unmarried friends. Which I think is rubbish* Just because you are in a relationship or have the ring does not change who you are (unless its for the better). Remember that your man fell for you the way that you are so why change? You and your man aren't the only people that exist in each others lives so why neglect friendships because those. Don't let the title ruin your friendships or YOU!
The difference with marriage is, you have chosen to take a step to creating an environment that will invite the idea of a family, the idea of stability, peace and a sanctuary you can both (u and man) go to after a long day of hard work! So, when u r partying as a married woman, where do u get the time 2 build all this? Where is your man supposed to have dinner and if he cooks, who is he supposed to cook for when u r not there?
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying a married woman should leve or neglect her friends but she needs 2 have a balanced life ka a curfew... What kind of culture are you instilling in your home if you are lawless and do as u bloody well please!
But unmarried woman that neglect their friends.... That's where I think we lose ourselves! We r so desperate to play that wifey role that we don't realise that once the ring is on, then u won't have anyone 2 balance your life out with even with a curfew! Surely ur girls will understand that u were once single and now u r married and that comes with certain expectations! So don't lose ur friends now, only to need them when u r married!
This just hit home, I must admit. I'm glad that you mentioned FEAR, I personally believe that's what drives most women into forgetting to live their lives as they please. I think the problem is we go into relationships, put up this facade that we are "good girls" lest your man starts thinking you are "unstable". We've all been there (I think), well I have and like you said, it aint attractive. I think having a balance applies to ALL women, married or not! The woman your man fell for in the first place, is that wild, spare of the moment, live life to the fullest (friends and all) type of lady so who on earth asked your ass to change that to accommodate him!!!
ReplyDelete