FRIENDS FOR(N)EVER

A friend, by dictionary definition is a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts or 2. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause.

Speaking to Moipone Zwane at 30 about her journey in friendship(s) over the last decade; I have identified my experiences in hers and had many epiphanies about certain friendships in my life. I'm sure it will resonate with all women that have had many friends and have let go of some, distanced themselves from others and moved on with a few.

Moipone's definition of a friend at 20:
a friend was someone I wanted to trust, wanted to rely on and call in the middle of the night because my boyfriend went back to his ex and I needed to tell someone. Someone on the surface I guess....friendly person that was always up for fun times.
Moipone at 30 defines a friend as:
A person who I like, ultimately love…one that I share an emotional attachment with. Someone I can trust, rely on and add value to my personal development. A person that has potential to grow with me, add to what I’ve become as a person and complement that. A like-minded person to a certain extent, although differences tend to add value and depth to the friendship. (Opposites attract). A person I can laugh with…even at the most stupid of things. A person that I can share a quiet space with and not worry about what’s going on in his or her mind…

The pinnacle moment in her life when this changed was when she was about 22years old when people revealed their true colours and she realized that she had put certain people on a pedestal and it was the biggest mistake ever.
As with many of us make these amazing discoveries about our most trusted and loved ones. For some, it happens at an early age and others, well....we just take longer to realize, but eventually, we do.
Being hurt by a friend is part of the journey and Moipone describes the pain as being equivalent to being stabbed through your heart....dis-empowering the emotional being, weakens and clouds one's judgement as you are continuously fighting with and blaming the self for something you have no control over.

When asking Moipone the most valuable lesson she has learnt from the people she has let go of she said "understanding why people are in your life....see their significance for what it is and not what you want it to be. Do not put people on pedestals, we are all human and have our faults...more than anything, no grudges....it was only meant for a season and reason."
As a friend, Moipone has learned that she is not perfect...she over-extends where she is not meant to....she is quick to “rescue” when sometimes the remedy is meant to come from a different source of strength and sometimes needs to back-off and step aside....not always be involved. Not “mother” others as much as she used to...

All friendships have its own anchor and Moipone keeps them going in different ways. In the friends she has chosen to keep in he life, she draws strength and wisdom from them...she is inspired to become a better being, to have faith at the most difficult of times and to be okay with making mistakes...to LOVE and laugh at the “not so serious” things in life. Inspired to see the bigger picture...inspired to breathe, to LIVE! To take care of ME...
Through her experiences, Moipone has learned how to be phenomenal and describes the feeling as... liberating..."I felt important to ME, I mattered. I guess that feeling is a continuous realisation as I shock myself on a daily basis. Daily experiences reveal just how phenomenal I am…and it always leaves me liberated. Like a sunny day after a storm….bright and pleasant."

Many of us lose ourselves in friendships by giving too much and getting too little. Build on a friendship with people who are actually more in competition than anything. Find ourselves in friendships that don't serve us but break us. We all may have different reasons and definitions of friendship but the common and ultimate reason is to belong.
The wisdom comes in differentiating between friends and "frenemies"...

Choose wisely!