STUCK ON THE SOLES OF THE WRONG SHOES!!!!!

When we trust another with our hearts, we put ourselves at risk and become vulnerable to that trustee. We give ourselves, as a child would to their mother, to men that receive us only in the form of sexual beings and not holistically. We find ourselves so helpess that we forget that we have the ability to take back what we gave them, what rightfully belongs to us, what every woman's dna comprises of... POWER!

The pain caused by a man that takes your power is far greater than that of a man that understands and respects your power, a man that contributes towards building your character, a man that knows your worth and prioritises your well being. Oh yes, it hurts more... a physical hurt that bruises the heart and paralyses the body... a punch in the stomach from the power you gave... a pain that you CHOOSE will only be healed by the man that took your power...
He comes back to ease that pain until he leaves again or he finds another to love... and you find yourself right back to the source of hurt... And he still possesses YOUR power! You accustom yourself to a life of pain and sorrow and you become the company misery loves to keep...

One day you'll think you have it together and you are moving on and then that one phone call reminds you that you forgot a part of you where you once hurt! The strength you thought was in you is suddenly an illusion, the courage you searched for to find freedom from this man is immediately chained, the wisdom you gained from the experience of being with this man is merely a figment of your imagination in the seconds it took to answer that call! 

Claim YOUR power... Own it... Take what's yours! Unchain yourself from the oppression of pain YOU have allowed to live in... Take back your power! It's yours... You have the strength, courage and wisdom to know you need to move on, without the power, you cannot mobilize those precious vehicles to freedom! 

You deserve the power that you were born with as a woman... you are phenomenal!!!!!! He just doesn't respect and understand your power... He'll forever walk all over it... Don't get your power stuck on the soles of the wrong shoes! 

,

DOMESTICATED BRAZILIAN!!!!

As I speak to some colleagues, one of them tells me that she does not think that I can cook, clean and I don't slightly possess any characteristics of a woman that could look after a man, let alone a family! THE SHOCK!!!

Why is it that the choice of having a brazilian, malaysian, peruvian and indian weaves with nails that are well manicured and lashes, for some, give women that don't have those things the idea that all women with hair extensions and fake nails are not domesticated? I mean, if one thinks about it, many of us in our late 20s experienced life in the township, if not, we visited and still do visit families in the hood and we know how to do things that are expected of girls...

It is very insulting that people think that my weave and nails make up who I am... I may not be Nigela Lawson in the kitchen, but dammit maan... I know how to put a meal together... I may not possess a cleaning certificate but i know how to use a broom... Is it because I don't live in the hood and experience the everyday struggles that has me judged by women who are so called grounded and traditional...  I AM TRADITIONAL too... In fact, I may be more traditional and domesticated than you may ever be... Unless tradional means; I must not own a car, have a weave and live in the burbs.... then hey, shoot me.. I'm not traditional... If being grounded means I am not a woman of substance that is educated and knows how to build a home, treat a man and constantly looking for opportunities to make money... I am guilty of not being grounded!
Why is it that I need to look "ungroomed" and unpretty to display any sort of worthiness of being a traditional or domesticated woman? why must I be stagnant and not hope for more than I have? If being a domesticated traditional and grounded woman means I must be primitive in my thoughts and not want to grow myself in the direction which the world is moving... then I need to revisit the definition of being domesticated... I will not apologise for the things I have!!! I am not my weave... I AM A PHENOMENAL WOMAN!!!!

And for now, one thing is certain... this brazilian right here.... its domesticated baby - ya koropa ya tlhatswa ya tsokotsa!!!

THE JOURNEY OF SACRIFICE

When I embarked on taking this journey of sacrifice and going back to school fulltime after 6 years of working fulltime and being independent. It was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make in my life. I was confused, scared, very insecure and unsure about the step I was about to take. How do I go back? does it mean I have been defeated? have I failed to manage my life? These are the daunting thoughts that haunted me at night and made me cry in the day... Then I took the leap of faith!!!
I now completely understand why I had to be in this insecure space to be where I am today... I have met the most amazing women in my path, the most inspiring people and opportunities I never fathomed possible.

We all have a time in our lives when things dont make sense, things seem very bleak and we find ourselves in a dark space. We are unhappy, we know that what we are doing is not fulfilling and know what we want but not sure how to get what we want. I found that this is the space that is telling us that we need to make a decision of sacrificing something in our lives to get to where we want to be. Sacrifice is something that human beings are terrified of because of fear of the unknown and then we end up settling for a job that pays a salary, any man that is single, mediocre friends and so on... It all has a ripple effect in our lives.

Sometimes we dream and get lost in the noble ideas of our dreams of changing or making a difference in the country and eventually the world. We forget to think critically about the HOW TO part and the dreams we have eventually become overwhelming and almost seem impossible and throws us in that dark space. In a time like that, I have since learned, we need to surround ourselves with people who will inspire us to implement our thoughts into action and positively critique our ideas to be able to show you the challenges ahead and also people who will help you find ways of overcoming obstacles that may come.
We must also remember that these people are not necessarily people we call friends and it does not mean that because your friends are not these people, the friendship is not constructive or real, it just means it serves a different purpose in your life.

When you are in that space... Think about the things you want the most and take the first step in finding out how to achieve what you want to do by telling someone you know will give you sound advice or networking or even searching the net to find out more about that particular thing.

It is possible because you are phenomenal... we need to deprive ourselves of something once so that we give back twice as much one day...it just takes sacrifice!!!

A NOTE TO GOD!!!!!

I want to thank You for the lessons You have allowed me to learn in my life... Some experiences I still ponder on the lessons or knowledge I was meant draw... There is a particular experience that still makes me wonder to this day... WHY? It was painful, it is painful... I didn't understand it, I don't understand it... I guess You knew the strength I had and maybe that was the lesson... I'm a strong woman... I thank You for bringing me out of it all... At some point I thought You had forgotten about me!

Today I sit here and know that it's all about me... A Father never forgets his little girl... I thank You for the lesson You've brought to me about love... I thought it was about losing myself and forgetting everyone else and now I know what love really means and what it's about.... Everyday I am reminded that You love me; for You have sent a love that is humble, caring, kind and patient... A love that teaches me about myself, a love that inspires, motivates and supports me...

God, You have blessed me with the gift of love that serves me entirely... I have a clearer and more precise vision of my life... I thank You for reminding me that I too, even as undeserving as I am, have been blessed with a gift that others on dream of....

Thank You for gracing me with the gift of LOVE as I journey into my phenomenal womanhood... I love You Lord...

Take a moment to thank Him for all the goodness in your life...

WE ARE BLESSED!!!

SALMON VS PAP...

The pain i feel as i study development communication and this tradition vs modernity business. I must say, i cringe with embarrassment and hang my head in shame to realise how this modern and western way of life has completely abducted me from my roots...
Reading about these developed countries' theories about how traditional people lack the mental ability to adapt to new conditions....wow... I realise where my ideas about tradition being "soooo yesterday" and primitive, come from.

Why is it that i twang like i am of European origin but need to make a phone call to confirm some words in vernacular? Yes we are moving into a different time and era but why were traditions able to survive from 2000years ago and able to withstand all the evolution that has come about?

Im not saying i want to see men walking around in beshus and women with their tits hanging all over... However, as a woman, 21st century or not, is it not my duty to learn and carry the tradition down to my daughter or niece?
How many of us know how to make pasta salads with olives and salmon with a hint of basil pesto but can hardly make pap... Im all for convenience and quick meals that don't take all the energy in me to 'soka', but at least to learn how to make dumbling, samp, malana... Just the know how is ok... As long as we are able to impart to those that come after us!

After reading about how the media has influenced the 3rd world (us) to LIVE AN ILLUSION OF AFFLUENCE and grow our own produce only to sell it so we can buy processed foods by affluent nations, had me doing some introspection about our development as a people.

Is the development we aspire for truly equipping us or are we becoming puppets and mimicking the western world at the expense of our roots?

Lets not let our customs and beliefs erode because we are phenomenal!

*as i learn how to make ledombolo*

FACT OR FICTION???

As we grow up and become women that are old enough to do "dilo tsa batho ba bagolo", direct translation (adult things), we always come across statements like "bo pila ba monna bo mo potleng" (a man's attractiveness is in his wallet), "di lazaro dija monate" (broke guys chow properly) and "banna ba naleng di chelete ba bofokodi" (opposite of the lazaro statement about monied  men)!

I don't know how true this really is though... And as women, do we believe these things based on the fact that its information that is passed on to us or is it our experiences?
Are the tails we've been told about Lazaro and the attractiveness of a man being in a wallet, not swaying the direction of our perceptions maybe? I mean, I could date an ugly ass filthy rich man and not spend a dime of his money and enjoy his "bofokodi" or date a broke guy that won't come close to "getting me there" and still have the audacity to ask for R100 for gas money... That's if he didn't need to be picked up to begin with!
Though I've always wondered, bo lazaro, where do they get this supposed skill??? And then I think...  it's obviously because when other men are working on the sizes of their wallets, they are watching movies and practicing how to pick a girl up and chow her on the kitchen counter... Hmmm... Not far fetched... Anyway...

My take is, its about sexual compatibility, really... But the flaw in my diplomatic view point is; what happens when you really like someone and he is everything you are looking for in a man and ticks all the right boxes but has a small centre piece??? Do you then exercise your running abilities? Or do you consult men's health? Or do you go with "its about the ocean in the motion or motion in the ocean" concept?!

We are very judgmental as women... And sometimes we put unnecessary pressure on men... Shame!
What if its not that he doesn't have a small willy? Maybe its that you might just have a bigger situation down there, than what he's used to?

I've heard all sorts ofname calling of the guys' packages... From "s'khrumelo sa lipstick", "cheesegriller", "malana a khoho", "potato wedge", "pinnochio" and the funniest I've heard, "mbitjana"... Let's play nice ladies... Lets play nice!

Is it fact or fiction in your experience? Lazaro oja monate for real? and skepsil sa Modimo, rra di chelete o foketse? I know we all have stories that bring a chuckle or two... But...

Their egos lie in their centre pieces and we all stroke them for different reasons so I guess these stories and teachings might not necessarily ring truth to some of us and for some... They may have just hit the nail on the head!

WHAT ARE YOU WITHOUT HIM???

So I just got off the phone with a good friend.... Haven't seen her or spoken to her in a while!
She was telling me about a conversation she had with her man and he was asking where her friends are...

Now, just a bit of background... We were thick as thieves the three of us... The girls that fought for each other and with each other without shaking the relationship... I was the hard headed and stubborn one, she was the opinionated and confrontational one and my other friend, she... Bless her soul... She was the glue that kept everything together... Sweetest friend ever! We went nowhere without each other, partners in crime, cried together and for one another... I remember how my confrontational friend and i cried all day in the sweetheart's bed once because of some stupid boys that were just running game on us...Hahaha! How we have been through our adult life together and shaping the strength we have today as women... Wow!

Today as we were speaking, we realised, now that we are all in relationships, why is it that we are ok with seeing our friendship seep through the cracks of life? Have we lost ourselves so much in the relationships we are in, that even our partners question it?

How many times do we as women lose ourselves and revolve our lives around our partners and their activities and social lives that we lose sight of who OUR people are... I have had a friend break my heart telling me that hanging out with me is not a priority because I won't marry her... And I guess you can't blame me for backing off! But the problem is, when shit hits the fan, this very person you neglect is the very person you will run to...
How is it that men are able to keep their lives balanced and us women, we just don't balance things out? Is it desperation of being in a relationship? Fear of letting him live his own life? Are we in need of being needed? What is it?


I have been this woman before and quite honestly, it is unattractive... I'm glad I was this woman early in my life and realised that it was because of my own insecurities about myself... It's really hard to find friends that are loyal and love you genuinely... For you to go and throw it away because of a man.... Uuummmmm... Not worth it really... I mean, he'll still be there after a day of chilling with your girls... Welllll, so we hope! If he isn't, then he was going to leave anyway....
Ask yourself... why does my partner not lose himself and leave his friends for me? Is there a bit of introspection we need to do maybe? Eeeerrrr, I would say!

Who are you without him??...... Because when things are not ok-ish or when your man is not in town, suddenly you want to avail yourself to your so called friends??? This is also a two way relationship... What you give is what you get....

Time for some introspection.... Just a thought, use it... Don't.....