ME...

No one really knows you until they know you... 

I have had friends in my life and still do, who know the surface of who I am! In fact, they all know the surface, even the closest of friends. Last night I shared my story with my ex boyfriend, who I was with for two years! He didn't know the depth of my pain! He knew that I struggled with things in my past but I managed to block them out of my head! I had mastered the art of extending just the surface of who I am! I believed my issues were gone because I blocked them out! i could have turned out differently, I think... Rebellious and a nuisance but I managed to keep it together and not attract too much attention. 

He shared his life story... I knew right then where some unexplained behavioral traits stemmed from! I now felt I knew this man more than ever before! This was the story I needed to hear from the beginning... But everything has a time and place. 

He understands my fears, I understand his. It felt right to share it! There were only 3 people that made my list of the people I thought I could trust with such information... My mother didn't make the list... She is far too emotional! I have given the 2 people but I'm scared to share with this 3rd person in case I'm overstepping boundaries... Should I? Should I not? I struggle with trust! But I trust these 3 people... 

Thank you for accepting my story! You are phenomenal people! You make life easier to face! U inspire and motivate me to do more! 

What's your story? 

OPPORTUNITY IN THE OBSTACLE

Fear, insecurity, anxiety... Why do we carry these oppressors with us? 

Why do we cripple ourselves? They say fear is False Evidence Appearing Real... We miss out on opportunities to be happy because of fear of the unknown. It is also said that when u pray for love, happiness or anything, God does not give you love or happiness, He presents you with the opportunity to love or to find happiness! Often, these opportunities come in the form of obstacles. We shy away from opportunity to overcome the obstacles because of fear, anxiety and insecurity. 

Let it go.. See the opportunity in the obstacle! Break free from the fear that has you chained. You deserve it! You are phenomenal! 

A REFLECTION OF GOD'S LOVE

It is rare that we take time out to praise and thank the phenomenal women in our lives. We only thank them and tell them we love them when something significant happens. I want to take time to thank some phenomenal women who have supported me on this journey of sacrifice. Women who have cried with me when it was tough, laughed so hard with me it hurt, worked day and night running on empty, refueling with red bull! 

It is because of my mother that I was able to embark on this journey. She is the source of my strength. She is amazing. Thank you mom for always believing that I can and will be successful on this path I'm walking! You are phenomenal! 

Moipone, there are many things I am ever grateful for! The support you give me can only leave me believing that you are my sister, you are family. Even in the midst of Your own troubles you manage to come through for me in ways i could have never imagined. You may not know but you are the best friend any woman could ask for! Thank you! You are phenomenal! 

Kananelo, it has only been about 8 months but you have understood me. Your hunger for success is inspiring! The way we feed off each other's brains is amazing! The sleepless nights working and picking each other's brains! Thank you for the day you chose to open up and let me in! You are phenomenal!

Lerato, your innocence is admirable. Your purity in the way you see the world. You always ensure I'm on time and organised! The sweetness in your voice! You are a strong little girl! Thank you for always being so good at managing my diary and doing it with love! You are phenomenal! 

Thank you so much for each of your contribution in my life! This is a reflection of God's love! 

PRETTY YELLOW FLOWER

When people look at you, they see a pretty yellow flower…

They never see the roots of where the radiance stems because its all buried deep within… they don’t know the pain you have endured, the confusion you have faced and the turmoil you are in! they say you glow but deep inside you are gloomy and grey!

There is a hole that has been dug so deep to hide the misery and discomfort… your eyes learn to disguise the colour of the sun and reflect the rays… You have mastered the art of pretending to be ok, in fact, you forget that it’s all pretence for you! Every now and then you revisit the dark side and it reminds you of who you really are and who you avoid dealing with inside… it’s hard being a pretty yellow flower…

THINK AGAIN...

A one carat stone that is florescent when it is kissed by the rays of the sun, platinum bands that are made to compliment the stone that most women wish and pray for , a diamond ring on the left finger... Is that wedding band all there is to the thoughts you have of marriage? What colour scheme your decor will be on the day of the wedding? Red or black velvet cake? The ambience of the big day?

Sometimes women get so caught up in the way their day is going to look when they get married and bury the reality of marriage in the back of their minds until they come back from honeymoon... what happens after the honeymoon? When all those spectators at your wedding have long forgotten the Salmon Roulade they had for starters? When the real issues start?

Have you sat down to really dissect the real issues that bother you? are you able to look at things with the same optimism for the rest of your life? Are you willing to experience the turbulence marriage comes with at times? Can you deal with the fact that you can’t just leave and say "i don't need this, im going to my place"...

All these issues are really ones that bring one back from that place of euphoria to reality... It’s crucial to understand that love alone cannot sustain a relationship that is built in utopia. Women often crave security so much that they live in this utopia even when they are not completely happy. They tend to think "but he looks after me" is reason enough to get married... Are you in love with the idea of being looked after or are you in love with the man... are you in love with the idea of a ring on your finger? is it love or is it the love for possessions that keeps you dreaming that things will be rosy forever?

Think again….

Love is important and should be the source of all your joy and happiness! Yes love alone is not enough, but it conquers obstacles and breaks down barriers to a happy and fulfilling marriage… 

EDUCATED HOUSEWIVES OF JOZI

There seems to have been a shift in perception in the whole idea of being a housewife in the 21st Century. It seems to be about displaying a lifestyle of affluence, glitz and glamour.

The housewives of today are about doing breakfast at Tasha’s, having a yoga appointment at the gym, meeting other mothers for brunches and high teas and going on holidays with the nanny.

In the past, the idea was more about being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen without an education. Today, women opt for the degree and baring the fruits of their motherhood. It becomes acceptable when it is a choice, they say. I spoke to two ladies, Mbali Richards and Lerato Khumalo, who both have university degrees, BA in Journalism and BA in Public Relations, respectively.

The women speak to me to express their decisions around being housewives and educated in a world that presents enormous opportunities for young black women such as them.

“It is not about being unable to tap into the opportunities around us, it is mainly for my children and making sure that i don’t miss a rugby game or a netball match” says Lerato, as she flips her expensive brazilian weave away from her Tom Ford shades. Mbali nods her head as she creams her well-manicured nails and reiterates “it’s really about being a full time mother than being a part time mother and full time career woman.” The two agree that the lifestyle comes with an enormous amount of pressure that people don’t really understand. “It’s really not as glitz or glam as people make it out be” says Mbali, “In the same breath, one also appreciates the perks that come with the lifestyle”

The ladies have no intention of being career women in the future but have aspirations of running a business together. They are looking to start a body and mind boutique where career mothers can go and have some me time and have the “perks” of being a full time mom too.

The women have husbands that understand their choice of lifestyle and have been supportive of their aspirations.

“If it were not for the loving and supportive husband I have, my children would not know the mommy that I am today because I would not be giving them the undivided attention I am giving them.” Lerato says.

Mbali also states that they are truly blessed to be educated and having had the opportunity of being fulltime mothers with supportive husbands.

JUST A THOUGHT

If women want to experience anything remotely close to being successful, then we need to learn to let go of emotions.

Why is it that when women work with together, they feel the need to pull rank on each other? Why are we not trying to work together to really have generations to come appreciate what feminists fought for. They fought for our independence, for women to be acknowledged by male counterparts as equals.
There is no way men can fight this fight, there is no way men can push the movement for us… all we are doing, by fighting each other and not for one another, is further reinforcing the reasons some men feel women do not belong in the boardroom.

If our generation encourages catty behaviour, then this will hinder the growth of women’s emotional intelligence because we will not teach generations to come the importance of sisterhood and unity. We will break the fibre that attempts to strengthen women and allow women to empower each other.

We need to revisit the idea of what women empowerment means to us before we sell the concept to our male counterparts!